Thou Shalt Not Steal and Lie

Hello Readers,

I was impressed this morning to share straight Bible with my ten year old step son. Now, whenever I am “impressed” with something, I assess the situation and use scripture prior to taking action. Prior to this, in my early youth days, I would go and start saying whatever came to my mind. Because I know I am not the Holy Spirit and I have not been called into the prophetic office (as in to be a prophet), I take action cautiously.

Unfortunately, my step son has become a chronic liar and takes things that are not his (around the house, school, and church). It’s very nerve wrecking to be a parent (or step parent) of a person who has these behavior. But I am hopeful that, one day, he will stop, listen to the advice that have been given by various of people who have his best interest in mind, and avoid situations that may cause him to be tempted.

And, because I know that my step son (as well as myself) are not the only one that are dealing with such destructive behaviors (as in destroying relationships), I thought I would share with you what I have done to provide hope within this situation. I had him to read Exodus 20:15, 16 in KJV (because this is the Bible version he owns) and The Clear Word Bible (because this is the Bible that explains it in clear words). I had reminded him that we cannot keep God’s commandments in our own strength. We have to ask for help from God. And, because of a presentation I had played in his hearing about the promises of God (instead of viewing God’s commandments are commands but promises: hear presentation here and go to the time 23:00 – 23:30), I told him I would look up some promises that God has for those who don’t steal and lie. I have printed out the following and placed a copy on his bed and in the living room:

“You are not to take what doesn’t belong to you.”

(Exodus 20:15, The Clear Word)

You are not to lie, deceive or accuse others falsely.” (Exodus 20:16, The Clear Word)


God’s Promise:

Those that don’t lie or steal with have a place in God’s kingdom. Bible reference:

“Men and women… who steal, lie, cheat, … none of these will have a part in God’s Kingdom.”

(I Corinthians 6:9, 10, The Clear Word)


Those who had stolen or lied in the past have hope.

Christ can cleanse you and set you right with Him:

“Some of you were like that before you heard the gospel, but God through Christ cleaned you and set you right with Him.”

(I Corinthians 6:11, The Clear Word)

A basic background is that his Dad and I have noticed how many sermons this year have been based on what my step son has been struggling with. It is as of God is trying to get him to head warnings. Others have took interest in him and have been praying for him as well. So my step son has been exposed to things (as in Bible truths) for a good while but it’s the actions of believing and allowing Christ to help him in this area that is lacking. So, what I had told my step son this morning is that I will look up a promise God has for those who do not steal or lie. So I found the promise in 1 Corinthians 6:9 – 11 (read it above). I told my step son that I will do a little Bible study on this subject. So I did and I came across a passage in Ephesians 4 and 5:

The Christian’s Walk

Ephesians 4:17-32 (Bible Version: The Clear Word)

17 In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I appeal to you not to live as those Gentiles do who have different values and a completely different view of things.

18 Their minds are darkened and they’re alienated from God because of their ignorance, which is due to the hardness of their hearts.

19 They’ve become callous and live a life of sensuality, indulging in undisciplined passions with a continual lust for more.

20 This is totally different from the kind of lives I’ve taught you to live or from the devoted life to God that Christ lived.

21 If you’ve been taught how to live in accordance with the truth as it is in Jesus,

22 then put off the old self which is corrupt and deceitful and full of lust.

23 Determine to live totally for Him. Begin each day with a commitment to live for Christ.

24 This is what it means to put on the new self, to be a new person in Christ, one who has been re-created in uprightness and holiness.

25 So, stop lying to each other and speak truthfully, because we are all members of the same family.

26 If you get upset, don’t focus on your feelings until they become hateful and degenerate into sin. Be angry with sin, but don’t sin by being angry with the sinner.

27 Determine to get over any anger before nightfall, or the devil will gain a foothold.

28 Anyone who has been stealing should stop it, do some honest work, pay back what was stolen, then give something to those in need.

29 Let no dishonorable talk come out of your mouths but only what will help those who hear. Impart grace to others by talking faith and hope as fits the occasion.

30 Don’t drive away the Holy Spirit for He’s the only One who can protect you from Satan until God’s plan for this world has been completed.

31 Put away any bitterness, hostility, anger, gossip, rioting, and holding of grudges.

32 Instead, be kind and compassionate to one another, considerate and forgiving, just as God in Christ has done for you.


Be Imitators of God

Ephesians 5:1, 2 (Bible Version: The Clear Word)

1 Follow Christ’s example, as children of God should.

2 Walk in love and be willing to expend yourself for others as Christ has done for us. Remember that Christ gave Himself as an offering to God, sweeter than incense.

I printed two copies of this out: one to place in living room and another I left on my step son’s bed. The copy on the bed has a letter attached to it to explain that Ephesians is a letter written by the apostle Paul to the church that was in Ephesus. I told him that us Christians can learn about Bible truths from reading this letter. I also mentioned that if he needs help in understanding the words, just ask for help.

When I had shared The Clear Word Bible version with him this morning, he seemed opened to receive information. When I had shared the KJV, he frowned a few times so, I believe, I should look into buying him The Clear Word. :) I’m glad he is open to receiving the information. He is just struggling with the action he does. His eyes were getting watery when I started to explain that, whenever he feels like he wants to steal or lie, ask God to help him not to steal and lie. My eyes started to get watery, too. So I praying while I carefully and gently continue to share those words.

Reader, I pray that these words have help you in your Christian walk. I hope you will take the time to listen to the entire “What is Faith?” presentation by Benjamin Ng (I referenced it it above and now I will do it below). Perspective in the Christian walk is very important. If we do not believe that God’s Word will say what it says it will do, we will make life harder than it can be. Tears are starting to form in my eyes as I think of someone who may read this and is struggling with sin. Please find the promises in God’s Word and trust that He will do what He says He will do.

Psalms 51:10 is a promise:

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

How is this a promise? God promises to cleanse us from “all unrighteousness”:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

My prayer for you, dear reader, is to take hold on to God’s promises for you and allow His Word to do the change in you. Feel free to write me back or ask for me to pray for you. Pray for me as well as we are all on this journey of life together.


“What is Faith?” by Benjamin Ng can be heard and downloaded at

To the Married Vacillator – “How We Love” Workbook (Chapter 11 Exercise)

Hello Readers,

Many of you know I have been blogging lately about the vacillator love style (found in How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich). For an introduction of this topic, please click here. Today, I would like to speak to the married vacillator. Dear fellow vacillator, do you often find yourself getting angry at your spouse? If so, I can relate with you. Within the workbook section of How We Love (for Chapter 11), I have found some great tips on how to handle this phenomenon:

  • When you find yourself expressing the emotion of anger, what kind of words and behavior do you find yourself directing to your spouse?

Please note that anger is just an emotion. All emotions are neutral. It is what one does with that anger (or any type of emotions) that can cause it to be a negative or positive response. As Milan and Kay mentioned, Ephesians 4:26 states “Be ye angry, and sin not…” In other words, the Bible says that we can be angry but not to allow the anger to cause one to sin.

  • There may be a possibility that your spouse is receiving some of the anger that someone in your past deserves. “Who might that someone be, and what could have prompted your anger?” (Yerkovich & Yerkovich, 2008, p. 357)

Yes, I know. It’s quite easy to say “I’m not mad at anyone else but my spouse.” Before maintaining that conclusion, just take some time to remember in your past when you had maybe the exact same bodily response when you are angry with your spouse. Ask God to bring back those traumatic memories so you can place the anger on the right person.

  • “Every time you are mad, stop and ask yourself, What is the hurt under this anger? Once you figure it out, communicate that sad, hurt feeling to your spouse rather than the anger” (Yerkovich & Yerkovich, 2008, p. 357).

From Dr. French’s River of Anger illustration, I have learned that anger flows from either two streams: fear or hurt. Therefore, when I find myself angry, I ask myself what is behind that anger. Am I feeling fearful or am I experiencing hurt? Most of the time, I am feeling hurt. I have learned to express my hurts to my husband. He sits to listen because he knows that I need to get all of this stuff off my chest. Prior to that, I hardly had any one that would actually sit to listen to my hurts. Others would just tell me to calm down or say something so I would stop because they were uncomfortable in seeing me expressing emotions. But, once I am done expressing, I don’t feel angry anymore.

I hope these tips will help you not only in your married life but also in all types of relationships. I really recommend the book. I can only share a portion of it here for copyright reasons. It has helped me to see things from a different perspective. :)

Reference: Yerkovich, M. & Yerkovich, K (2008). How we love. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press.

The Vacillator-Vacillator Relationship

Dear Readers,

I never wanted to marry someone that reminded me of myself. Why? Because I knew I would get into arguments with the spouse that was a lot like me. I didn’t understand why. I just knew I had some anger issues and, within relationships, a lot of misunderstandings. It didn’t occur to me that I had a part in viewing the misunderstandings. I often assume I knew the thoughts, feelings, and motivations of others. As you can guess, this didn’t do well for my relationships. Because of this, I find myself grieving over relationships that could have been.

For example, I assumed a person (who was a male) was my friend. he was a leader in a group I was a part of. After the group had ended, I kept in touch by phone calls and emails. Why? Because we had a lot in common and I viewed him as a friend. Unfortunately, he didn’t view my sporadic conversations as friendship. He assumed I wanted more. He never shared with me his thoughts and feelings towards me. If he had done so, I could have informed him of my intentions. Instead, like the vacillator love style in How We Love (by Milan & Kay Yerkovich), he assumed to know my intentions and wrote one final email to end what he thought was inappropriate behavior. I often grieve over this relationship. I tried to make a mends by emailing him back. However, in his last email to me, he told me not to contact him anymore. And, yes, this was a professed Christian.

Can a vacillator be friends with another vacillator? I find myself pondering this question. I had one vacillator who assumed we were friends. She kept saying hi to me and kept catching me off guard. I am often deep in thought (yes, I’m an introvert) when I walk into rooms and desire to finish my thought. So whenever she would say “hi,” I didn’t respond to her liking and she would get upset. This only caused me to avoid her because I already have enough drama to allow myself to link with an emotionally charged person who assumes they know of a person who they never asked me personally what my thoughts or feelings were of him or her. And I find myself grieving over this relationship as well. What could have been if this young lady took the time to get to know me instead of just watching how I responded in certain situations.

Vacillators, let psychologists do the observations in relationships. Let us, instead, talk to others about emotions and thoughts. How, you ask? Use assertiveness skills:

I feel [share feeling] when [share facts only, no judging nor using “you”]. I would like [share what you would like].

Reference: Yerkovich, M. & Yerkovich, K (2008). How we love. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press.

What Could Have Been – The Process of Grieving

Dear Reader,

Were you aware that one has the ability to grieve over something that could have been versus grieving over something that is no more? It didn’t dawn on me about that until I read about it in Counseling Today magazine (Vol. 58, Num. 4). In this October 2015 issue, there is an article that talks about the grievances of miscarriage (“Empty Crib, Broken Heart” by Bethany Bray). Those that experience miscarriages are faced with “what-could-have-been”s; recognizing when so many months or years go by, the child would have been a certain age, grade, or doing a certain event.

The article tells the reader that it is quite normal to experience this type of grieving:

You’re not grieving the past, you’re grieving what was going to be. You’re grieving the future. – Valerie Thomas, LPC

It made me think of all the additional loses that I am now understanding are loses. As I processed through the emotions, I allowed myself to grieve. I am in the process of talking about it to God with different spiritual eyes. I am still asking Him the “why” question (recall reading about the “why” question in Philip Yancy’s Where is God When It Hurts?).

It’s all about choices when it comes to relationships and lost. I mean, when someone you know dies, then it’s death. But, when someone you once knew and knew so well decides to not continue the relationship, that is due to choice. Such loss can be painful. You may wish and pray for someone to come back into your life. But God does not use force. So He cannot force someone to return.

So what can the one who is dealing with the loss do? They can move to acceptance (see How Can I Forgive You? by Janis Abrahms Spring). Accept that the other person had a choice and they chose to end the relationship. But do not cut short the grieving process. Allow yourself to go through the steps of grievance. If you so desire, find a professional (certified) counselor to speak to assist this process. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

The Vacillator – “How We Love” Workbook (Intentions in Relationships)

Hello Readers,

It’s been a while since I had written about the Vacillator love style (from How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich). So, since my alarm went up for morning devotion an hour ago and I don’t need to get the boys on the bus (since it’s the weekend), I saw this as a great time to review something I had read in the workbook portion of How We Love.

After the exercise portion of the workbook, there is a paragraph that follows:

When you were a kid, you had to guess about what might happen. You had to completely rely on your own assumptions. So you learned to constantly read between the lines in an attempt to determine what to expect and how to respond. You may not even be aware of how much you still read body language and the moods and actions of others to determine whether you are wanted or unwanted, like or disliked, accepted or rejected. To you, relationships are a guessing game, and your assumptions may or may not be accurate. In fact, the actions and reactions of others are not always about you at all, but you probably assume they are (p. 337, 338).

This paragraph is a link to what I really want to write about:

You will never know the truth about people’s thoughts or feelings toward you until you learn to check your assumptions by directly asking them about your concerns. If, for instance, you don’t feel comfortable in a certain situation, you may conclude that the other person has negative feelings toward you, but that simply may not be the case. So ask! (If the person does have some negative feelings, at least you will know for sure! And now you have a chance to address whatever issue is causing the feelings) (p. 338).

I want to emphasize the need to ask about a person’s thought or feeling toward you. I used to assume a lot on how people perceived me and, for most of the time, my perceptions were wrong. What happened was that all the assumptions that I was having was causing myself pain and misinterpreting even how Christians were in general (i.e. all Christians are hypocrites, I used to say). Because I didn’t allow the love of God to give me hope in relationships, I assumed that I was meant to be alone and never connect with others in an intimate way. I was a bitter teenager; assuming that people were “out to get me” and, believing that others had the same assumptions of people that I had, I also believed that people saw me as someone who they were unable to connect with.

Recently, I had a strange encounter with another vacillator. It is quite obvious that she is also hurting from past assumptions from past viewings of Christians (she said that she sees certain Christians as being fake in group settings but she “knows” who they really are from being around them separately). I knew already that this type of thinking only creates division from those that one believes to “know” who a person really is.

What I have come to learn is that people are not perfect. Hence, this is why Christ died for me. We are all still learning how to obtain the characteristics of Christ and, if we don’t pray for one another but only gossip and express bitterness, how will we grow? From reading the three sections of the Bible that reviews the spiritual gifts (Romans 12:6-8, 1 Corinthians 12:8-10, 28-30, and Ephesians 4:11), I see how God’s church is supposed to grow. According to Ephesians 4, spiritual gifts are to perfect the saints (as in Christians). So, what I would like to admonish is for all of us to learn what our spiritual gift is and to use it to give the church (and those that are within the church) power (Acts 1:8). Pray for the Holy Spirit for He is the one that can cause unity. Remember that Satan desires division and loves for us to assume we know about a person without using the skills that God has for us to know of someone.

Prior to closing, I want to point out this:

Your feelings are real, but you may be imagining the other person’s intentions or feelings. If you leave these imagined injuries unmanaged and unchecked, you may find yourself depositing them in the bank of bitterness and resentment, and that account accrues interest as you continue to make other deposits. Over time, your level of anger and bitterness will grow. Because those emotions can be so destructive, keeping short accounts and checking assumptions are critical for healthy relationships and personal growth (p. 338).

In other words, I am not saying to deny your feelings; just check in with self to ask where are those feelings coming from. Are they from past assumptions one has made about a person, people in general, or a group of people? Know that continuing to leave those feelings unchecked has the ability of ruining relationships that could have been. I am speaking from experience. My next blog entry will be about the “what could have been” subject (and how that is a type of grief). Instead of having bitterness and anger grow, I encourage you, reader, to let love grow. Tell your feelings to God and have Him change the heart. Know that, in the past, you had used your action as a way to cope with your situation. So don’t put yourself down. Be gentle with self. Note that this coping mechanism allowed you to exist up to now. But now that you have been given knowledge, it’s up to you to either continue to use this coping mechanism of “reading people” or accepting it for what it is and move on to another way to obtain information on what people feel or think about you. It’s up to you to desire personal growth or remain stagnant.

Reference: Yerkovich, M. & Yerkovich, K (2008). How we love. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press.

Had Me By The Tail

Dear Reader,

For about a week, I’ve been contemplating on my earliest recollection of being a comfort to someone. I was in preschool in Germany. I was wearing a lion costume my Mom had made for me (this was when the family were all celebrating Halloween). A classmate of mine was fascinated with my tail. I remember her having blonde hair. Her face didn’t have a smile on it. She appeared expression-less. All of a sudden, I felt this overwhelming desire to nurture and remain gentle instead of defending myself; saying “Let go of my tail!”

I remember slowly moving around the classroom and, surely, she followed me around—still holding onto my tail. I believe that day was a party day (no classwork being done) so that would be the reason for my free roaming.

The teacher didn’t tell my classmate or me to stop our behavior so I wasn’t under distress for having the classmate “harass” me nor was my behavior inappropriate at the time. I wish I had remembered more (like if the classmate remained quiet or by herself for the rest of the year).

Today, I was thinking how this could be a spiritual symbol. Since a lion stands for strength and Jesus Christ is known as the Lion of Judah, have I even held onto The Lion to receive strength from Him? When I felt I couldn’t speak and remained emotionless on my face (after a traumatic experience), do I grab hold to The One who has the ultimate strength?

I pray that we may hold tight to our Redeemer and follow Him wherever He may lead us. For He desires to give us hope, power, and everlasting life.

“He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength” (Isaiah 40:29).

That We May Be One – Part 2

Hello Readers,

I finally found some time to come back to “That We May Be One” (read part one here).

According to Yerkovich & Yerkovich (2008, p. 304), “God is capable of using far more than this workbook to help you experience and manifest his love in your relationships.” I totally agree with this so don’t feel like you have to buy How We Love so you can conquer your relationship experiences. Note that it is one tool of many. The authors go on by saying one can simply write out a personal prayer (based on the ideas that are expressed in the verses: John 17:20-23; Psalm 139:23, 24). Then ask God to reveal some new insight “about the ways in which you give and receive love” (Yerkovich & Yerkovich, 2008, p. 304).

I would also suggest to keep a behavioral awareness journal. Within the journal, answer the following:

  1. What behavior occurred?
  2. What do you believe occurred to cause this behavior?
  3. How does this behavior affect those close to you?
  4. How has this behavior affected you in the past?
  5. What are you willing to change?
  6. What are the consequences of your behavior?
  7. Please write your commitment and share this with your counselor (God is your Counselor; ask Him to reveal some new insight).

I believe I have succeeded in completing this thought so there shouldn’t be a part 3. Must rush off again to attend to this day activity. :) I wish you well, readers, in this journey of life. Keep pressing on.

Reference: Yerkovich, M. & Yerkovich, K (2008). How we love. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press.