Values – Work/Career

Dear Reader,

It’s been two weeks since I had written about values and goals. I meant to return to the topic sooner but other thoughts came to my mind so I wrote about them instead. For a “brief” review of the concept of values that is found in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), click here. The value I will be writing about today is work/career. What an interesting time to write about such a topic. Due to the pandemic, many of us had to put work/career on hold. Allow me to explain why this value, once it has been taken away, may feel like “doom and gloom.”

When it comes to work and/or career, ask yourself “What do you want your work or career to be about or stand for?” (Forsyth & Eifert, 2016). When we were children, most of us wanted to be a doctor/nurse or a teacher. The reason for this common goal was that these were those that were in the community that we often associated with as a child. These were the ones that often gave us positive affirmations and/or took care of us. I remember a few of my elementary school teachers that seemed to be more like cheerleaders for me instead of teachers! 😀

The next thing to ask yourself is what is important to you about your work (Forsyth & Eifert, 2016). According to Forsyth & Eifert (2016), it could be financial security, intellectual change, independence, prestige, interacting with others, helping people, and so on. Thanks to PBS, especially Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, I was taught the benefits of interacting and helping others while working. Thanks to my Dad, I was taught that work provides financial security and independence. 😉 Well, now that the pandemic has been occurring for about a year, many of us has been challenged with financial security and maybe even unable to interact with others. Although alternatives have been given, it may still be a drag. Sometimes understanding why such things are a drag can aid one to get out of the murky gloom one finds self in.

Although Forsyth & Eifert place work and career together, they are two different things. I had learned this “gold nugget” during my Career Counseling class at Southern Adventist University. Work is an activity that produces something of value for oneself or others whereas a career is a whole lifetime of jobs (your lifework), time extended working out of a purposeful life pattern through work undertaken by the person (Southern Adventist University, 2015). Work may be a paid job, unpaid volunteer work, or even homemaking (Forsyth & Eifert, 2016). One may find work during their late teen in retail. Then, this teen may have obtained the soft skill or promptness and thoroughness from working in retail. What else can this person do with those skills? What other jobs are needing someone that is prompt and thorough? One job may be data entry. So, now, this individual has retail and data entry on their resume as well as the skill of promptness and thoroughness. And as this individual lives on, their life continues to gain an extended purposeful life pattern. This is a career.

There are various theories that have been used to describe how one goes into a line of work or even a career but I won’t bore you with those concepts. Just know that when it comes to seeing the value of work/career, the two things to ask yourself is what do you want your work/career to stand for and what is important about your work. Sometimes, as previously mentioned, these concepts are challenged. One may have to put work/career on hold due to emotional or mental barriers: fear of failure, sense of unease (ex: a career that may mean giving up on some comforts/luxuries of current lifestyle), or thoughts of being irresponsible to pursue a dream job (Forsyth & Eifert, 2016). According to Forsyth & Eifert (2016), one should not let such emotions or mental barriers stop the individual from exploring those areas because what one does should be personally rewarding since most of us spend a major chunk of our waking moments involved in work. So, please keep this in mind when considering where you want to spend your talent, energy, and skills.

What to do when you are unable to get into or continue towards your dream job or career? Work on hard and soft skills. Find a course, class, and/or training that will benefit you once you are able to start working. If your dream job or career needs typing skills, find an online typing tutor. Some soft skills you can work on are communication (for leadership and teamwork jobs/careers), problem-solving, flexibility/adaptability, and interpersonal skills. Whatever you decide to do, know that it is reachable once you break it down into short-term goals.

To experience self awareness, please consider completing the Valued Directions worksheet. Remember to choose answers without judging.

Reference:

Forsyth, J. P., & Eifert, G. H. (2016). The mindfulness & acceptance workbook for anxiety: A guide to breaking free from anxiety, phobias & worry using acceptance & commitment therapy.

Southern Adventist University (2015). Career Terms. Retrieved from COUN516—Career Counseling.

The Ocean

Dear Reader,

Have you ever been to the ocean? Have you experienced the sound of it’s waves and the smell of fresh air, salt, and marine life? When you have that first experience, you will know if you will loathe to revisit or you will long to return. For those that feel the call of the ocean, this is for you.

My something greater is the ocean (to read my blog on “meaning” and “something greater,” click here). The power of the waves and the warm feel of the sand underneath my feet says “home” to me. It’s a great place I love to go to reflect on life itself. Water itself is something I’ve learned to respect for it has the ability to give as well as the power to take away life. With it’s continual movement, water also has the power to reshape the most commonly known stable matter: rock. The ocean has elements that are continually at battle with one another. The moon causes the movement of the tides and waves through gravitational pull. The land is at mercy with the ways of the ocean.

My sister planned my first contact with the Pacific Ocean as part of my sweet sixteen birthday present. I remembered how vast it looked. Prior to that, I only saw the ocean through photographs and television. I remember walking around meekly by the edge; where the land met the water. I remember there were big rocks to sit on. What I don’t remember was if I ever took off my shoes. I think it was until I was in Hawaii that I “stepped” on the beach (as in with bare feet). Or it might have been on the beach of Lake Michigan. Wherever it was, I felt like I had become one with the scenery.

The metaphors of the ocean are numerous. I’ve learned from Disney’s Pocahontas that you cannot step in the same river twice for it’s always changing; always growing. And so this is with the ocean. Although the ocean is large, it is constantly changing. And, us as humans, when we are facing the ocean ourselves, we are given the okay to change into something greater, too. The ocean has also been used to describe the depth of love. Julia Easterlin’s song “Ocean” mentions how a lover had said his love for her is like the ocean and that she was his Juliet. And, like the ocean, the more you give, the more you get. Disney’s Moana has a song about the ocean that gave me goosebumps when I had first heard it for I could easily relate to the calling.

So, dear reader, what is your calling?

Resilience

Dear Reader,

I just did a search through my blog entries and realized I have never written about resilience. *Gasps* I really don’t know how this happened! For those that know me, I am BIG on resilience. I have done one speaking engagement on resilience and had done a few YouTube videos on resilience. So how did I miss talking about it here? I have no idea! :/

Resilience is the ability to bounce back. The best illustration I can think of is when it comes to the pregnancy belly. For those that have experienced pregnancy, one knows how the belly may or may not return back to it’s previous state. And, even though the belly may look the same as prior to the pregnancy, it will never be the same. When one endures a crisis, one is never the same.

Those that have experience trauma are often called victims. The victims that are still alive after the trauma are called survivors. There is another step that one can go beyond this and it is called thrivers. Unfortunately, not everyone gets to this point. But, with encouragement, support, counseling, and determination, one may move from surviving from an adversity to thriving.

So what is the difference between surviving and thriving? One survives by simply staying alive. One ends up thriving by finding purpose either from the trauma itself or in life in general. I have been privileged to know of several women who have moved from surviving to thriving. They had found ways to help others with their personal insight of trauma. Some have turned to life coaching, social work, counseling, writing, singing, and even advocacy.

The main thing I have learned about resilience is that it can be learned. This is good news for those who have struggled to bounce back from a traumatic experience. This gave me hope as a teenager because, prior to this, I saw life in a dreary view: once something crappy happens to someone, then there is no hope for that individual (aka “life sucks and then you die”). Once I found out that my mindset was totally against what research has shown, I became excited and I wanted to share my findings with others. I wanted to be one who actually encourage others in finding ways to live after a traumatic experience. Note: I said live and not simply staying alive.

One person that gave me hope was Oprah Winfrey. Despite so many no’s she had received in life (as well as enduring sexual abuse), she was determined to persevere. Another person was Maya Angelou. According to I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, her young, teenage years seemed “blah” and hopeless (she was also sexually abused) but she was also determined to live on (hence her poem “Still I Rise“). Esmie Branner’s Beyond the Veil of Darkness was an inspiring reading. She was determined to live despite the abuse she had received from her first husband. Another book, called Covered and Kept, shares how Karen Johnson moved from surviving to thriving after her husband was shot and killed during a random shooting incident. Katy Perry, Glennon Doyle, and Marie Forleo are the ones I have recently (as in during the last 10 years) learned about. I would like to end this blog entry by allowing you to hear from Marie Forleo (click here to read and watch a video on “4 Beliefs Resilient People Use to Help You Overcome Any Challenge”).

If this has inspired you, please feel free to leave a comment here.

Stay hopeful and enjoy the journey!

What I Found Out From Writing Down What I’m Grateful For

Dear Reader,

I had wanted to review the seven days of when I had written down what I am grateful for because, after writing such things down, you realize what is important to you. I had learned this from Cheri Gregory’s video called “Live Your ONE Life Well”—under “bad rule #3” (click here to watch it). So, after reviewing all seven blog entries, this is what I have “discovered” (I placed the word in quotations because I already knew it but actually seeing it written down is totally different than having the idea floating in my mind):

Connection (aka: togetherness) is important to me. This includes interacting and reconciling relationships. I also like to problem-solve but enjoy it even more when I’m doing this with others (teamwork is great). It’s even more enjoyable when I’m with like-minded individuals. It brings me joy to share information with others! I’m loving my blooming relationships with my children and my husband. I also like to help others (i.e. give to a non-profit organization). I am grateful when others are patient with me. I have learned that it is okay to receive from others (i.e. compliments). Checking in with others and seeing how friends are every once in a while brings joy to my heart. I also love checking in with my therapist every once in a while.

Another aspect of my life that is important is my spiritual life. I am grateful for knowing who God really is. I also enjoy my 24-hour break of work and similar things (I’m a Sabbath-keeper). I also know that, despite all the calamities that occur in life, I can always find God in the same place and, therefore, I can go to Him for comfort.

I also love having the ability to grow. This includes moving forward in my career and learning more in general. With this growth, I love finding time to rest and do self-care like sitting outside on the porch in the early morning (a time for quietness), exercise, sunshine, and using moisturizers. 🙂 I like having easy access to work on my hobbies. I have known since I was in elementary school that I like to compare and contrast (both in language arts and in science). When I learn something, I want to put it into practice right away.

Sometimes, just being is best for me; especially during the morning and evening time. Having a moment to just sit and reflect is important to me. Being able to see the big picture is also important to me. I also enjoy having fun and finding time to laugh. Recalling fond memories is something I am grateful for.

So… What are you grateful for? Please consider taking on the challenge here.

Finding Meaning

Dear Reader,

Two days ago, I wrote a blog about meaning (to read this blog entry, click here). Within the seeking of meaning, one is to seek to use and develop the best of one in self (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). In the case of chronic illness, to seek meaning is to seek how to live well despite chronic illness (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). For me, I had to learn how to live well despite my past circumstances (too personal to share here). Another way to seek meaning is to find value that an individual can exhibit; a life has meaning when a person contributes something positive to the world by the time you die whether you enjoyed it or not (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), meaning is not constant and meaning is also good for you. In short, meaning is when you feel connected to something larger than oneself. Meaning comes only when you make it; meaning is made (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019).

When a crisis, like a plan crash, occurs in our life, our brains reaches out for a something larger to stop our lives from “falling out of the sky” and it works until we find ourselves back into place (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). In such a time as a crisis, we have to “prepare the plane” before we can return to our journey (Nagoski & Nagoski). According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), this requires us to turn inward toward difficult feelings with kindness and compassion.

The Nagoski twins give the example of Disney heroines. I have mixed thoughts of using these iconic characters as examples due to all of the princesses had assistance from some outside magical aide; unless we are now categorizing magic with spiritual entities. But one cannot dispute the songs each princesses had when it came to wanting more.

I remember Ariel’s song stirring up something inside of me. It caused me to realize that material things weren’t making me happy, either. “I want more,” Ariel said and I sang along with her. She wanted to be “where the people are.” As a preteen, Belle’s song grasp my attention for I, too, “want adventure in the great wide somewhere.” Yes, “I want it more than I can tell.” The plain “blah” of life in the city wasn’t what I wanted. I needed to be where I saw a vast horizon of hills and possibilities.

Here are some ways to find meaning in something larger than oneself (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019):

  • Pursue an achievement of ambitious goals that leave a legacy
  • Service to the divine or other spiritual calling
  • Loving, emotional intimate connections with others

If none of those are helpful for you to find meaning, According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), research has found the following helpful:

  • Trying writing your own obituary/life summary through the eyes of a grandchild or a student
  • Ask your friends to describe the characteristics of your personality and your life that are at the core of your best self
  • Imagine someone you care about is going through a dark moment in their life and, as your best self, write that someone a letter to support them through this difficult time. Then reread it. It’s for you.
  • Think of a time when you had experience a sense of meaning, purpose, or alignment (whatever it feels like for you). What were you doing? What was it that create that sense of meaning?

What often stops one from finding meaning? According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), it is Human Giver Syndrome (read about it here). Women need to know that it is okay to seek for their “more” because they are humans. It’s okay to be human. Humans desire to seek for their “more.” It’s not just men who are to only seek. When a woman engage in the something larger, healing occurs and it removes the Human Giver Syndrome inside of that woman and those that are around her (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). Making women homemakers was something that was happening in America in the 1950s and 1960s. Women’s liberation caused a culture shift that changed the American culture. The result was a more fairer world.

The cure the Human Giver Syndrome (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019):

  • Keep engaging in the something larger
  • Use problem solving
  • Keep completing the cycle: #persist

According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), this is how you can turn something terrible in an opportunity to engage with your “something larger” and make meaning: rewrite the narrative of your experience; focusing on the lessons and strengths you gain through adversity (your origin story).

  1. What part of the adversity were incontrollable by you (i.e. other people and their choices, cultural norms, your life circumstances at the time, age, prior experience, and/or the weather)?
  2. What did you do to survive the adversity in the moment (hint: you did survive because here you are)?
  3. What resource did you leverage to continue to surviving after the adversity passed? Be specific (it may include practical resources like money or information; social resources like friends, your ability to seek, find, and accept help; or your social influence; or emotional resources like persistence, self soothing, and optimism).

Once you have your origin story, the Nagoski twins say to take time to write a moment when those resources help you overcome a subsequent difficulty (2019). Then write a summary:

Even though I couldn’t control [an adversity], I managed to [survival tactic] and then a used [resource] to grow stronger. After that, I could [skill, or win, or insight].

Nagoski & Nagoski (2019)

Writing your origin story can also allow you to identify your something larger because it allows you to see the experience you had leverage to survive (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), this exercise may hurt because it allows your body to feel the feelings of past wounds, to learn that your feelings are not dangerous, and it allows you to complete the activated stress response cycles (to read about this, click here) that started many years ago. But you have to be willing to “go there.”

References

Clements, R., Musker, J., Auberjonois, R., Barnes, C. D., Benson, J., Carroll, P., Edwards, P., … Silver Screen Partners IV (Firm). (2006). The Little Mermaid. Burbank, Calif: Walt Disney Home Entertainment.

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle.

Trousdale, G., Wise, K., Woolverton, L., Benson, R., O’Hara, P., Lansbury, A., White, R., … Walt Disney Pictures,. (2017). Beauty and The Beast.

Human Giver Syndrome

Dear Reader,

Since I had mentioned about Human Giver Syndrome yesterday (to read yesterday’s blog entry, click here), in which I realized I had written this information somewhere else and not at my blog, I have decided to share it here. Prior to sharing what it is, allow me to give you a back drop.

As Nagoski & Nagoski mentioned (2019), we all experience a certain emotion whenever we see someone that we like. The emotions often lift whenever the individual leaves the room or leaves our mind. Since this is often a happen emotion, it is inviting. But what happens when we are stuck in an uninviting emotion? When one is continually around something or someone that keeps the same emotion going, one becomes stuck. Many are stuck because of something called Human Giver Syndrome. According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), human givers are expected to give continually to human beings; these are often women (ex: mothers, wives, secretaries, nurses, social workers, counselors, doctors, etc.). What “hurts” is that human givers are not allowed to be a human being (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). They are to only be attentive, loving, pretty, happy, etc. (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). So, whenever they are not giving (bitter, unloving, etc.), they are shamed, punished, or destroyed (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019).

I, personally, realized that this “rule” is slowly killing many women. Many women feel the call to be more (hence my blog entry from yesterday). What did the Nagoski twins share as a solution? First, one is to deal with stress by helping the body to complete the stress response cycle (to read about this, click here). The next step is to learn how to manage stressors (to read about this, click here). After learning how to manage stressors, find meaning in life. As I had written here, whatever your meaning is in life, it will serve as a bedrock for whatever adversity you may face (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019).

Reference

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle.

Meaning In Life

Dear Reader,

After the Nagoski twins in Burnout: The Secret of Unlocking the Stress Cycle share about how to manage stressors (read blog entry here), they turn to another topic: meaning. They mentioned how every Disney movie shares what the princess see that she is missing in life. Although their song may change throughout the movie, what still remains constant is that a heroine feels called by something (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), we heroines thrive when we are answering the call of something larger than ourselves. Meaning is a power inside of you that helps you to recover from burnout (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). Of course, men also desire to thrive with meaning. However, let’s face it! Women have more obstacles than men (hence the Human Giver Syndrome that the Nagoski twins mention in the beginning of this audiobook).

According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), the call can be heard in the quietness of your heart. You get to it by engaging in something larger and it links you into the world (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). Whatever it is, our meaning in life will serve as a bedrock for whatever adversity we may face (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019).

Reference

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle.

Falling With Style

Dear Reader,

Out of all the years of skateboarding and scooting, I had finally hit the pavement two days ago. No, I don’t mean the slang “hit the pavement” but my body actually hitting the pavement. I’m okay. Just a few nasty scratches on my right knee is still left as evidence of the fall. Why am I bring this up? It seemed like a good backdrop to use when explaining about failure.

According to Marie Forleo (2019), a person cannot be a failure because a failure is an event and not a characteristic. In other words, projects can be a failure and relationships can end up being a… well… failure. But one person is not a failure. So why did I “crash and burn” on the pavement? I had failed to check my scooter by using the pre-ride list. Am I the failure? No. The event was a failure but I am not the failure.

I had learned from this mistake: go over the pre-ride list before riding. Yes, Marie I “gain[ed] insight, understanding, [and] valuable experience” (Forleo, 2019) from the failure to double check my scooter. My insight was that I am really risky and need to slow down and be careful. My understanding has been noted a few times already so I won’t write it again. The experience… what an experience! I was in midair and I loved it! (Yes, I’m an adventurous) It seemed as if I was in slow motion. Coming down, my brain said, “Arms out!” and they complied. My palms felt the burn of the pavement but they never received an open wound. Then my body did a tilt and so I started to fall down sideways. All I thought was “My face!” since I wear glasses. So my right elbow (nicely protected by two layers of clothing) slid out so my head wouldn’t feel the impact.

“Are you okay?” one of my lady neighbors asked who saw the whole thing. “I’m okay!” I said breathlessly while gaining my balance and looking for my once-was-one-but-now-two-pieces-of-a-scooter. My my son waited for me patiently (he also rides a scooter), I checked myself over and I realized that I was actually okay! Well, except for the few scratches on my right knee. The event didn’t kill me. I am alive to share it. I had made a mistake and learned from it. And I also learned a little bit more about myself: I know how to fall with style! 😉

Note: For a similar blog entry reading that speaks on perfectionism (which connects the topics of “mistakes” and “learning”), click here.

Reference:

Forleo, M. (2019). Everything is Figureoutable: One Simple Belief to Create Unstoppable Success. S.l.: Penguin UK.

Human Needs Model – Final Draft

Dear Reader,

Yesterday, the Human Needs Model blog entry was published but wasn’t finalized to my liking (to view it, click here). I had wanted to leave a thorough explanation of what I had learned instead of just an outline. However, due to time crunches, I wasn’t able to explain further. I saw this as an opportunity to let my readers see the difference between a thorough explanation and an outline. And so, here is my thorough explanation.

I had listened to Chapter 29 of Battling the Big Three: Overcoming Stress, Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem audiobook while rearranging items in my storage unit on New Year’s Eve but I knew I had to revisit the chapter upon learning that there was an accompanying handbook. After downloading the accompanying handbook from thedanjohnston.com/toolkit, it took me until yesterday to get back to this section that talks about the secrets to self confidence. I had tackled the previous handbook (The Self-Confidence Handbook) last week.

I only went through Section 1.1 yesterday so I will only share my findings from this section. Within Section 1.1, Dan Johnston introduced to the listener about the human needs model. According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), the Human Needs Model is similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It includes six needs: certainty, variety, love, connection, significance, and growth. The first four are needed to survive whereas the last two are needed to thrive—not everyone has the same needs in the same order (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017).

Certainty is simply the need to depend on a continual schedule or a reliable source. One example is the need to know where the next meal is coming from (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). It allows the person to feel safe. If the person that needs to rely on certainty losses their job, this individual will worry about how they will pay their bills. If a relative is visiting a country and something bad happens in the country, the person will freak out; believing that something bad has happened to the relative (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). This is “erratic behavior” because the person is lacking any logic behind this conclusion (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017).

So how can one that has this need as #1 in the list feel certainty in uncertain circumstances? One conclusion is to use distractions in which Dan Johnston state that humans have mastered this (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). 😉 According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), distractions have their place because, sometimes, we need a mental break but we also need to understand that it is a short-time solution. In other words, we should not use distractions for a long period of time. Yes, it can become habitual but it never deals with the problem (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), distractions reduce the inevitable pain or discomfort and we still need to overcome the problem but the problem is made worse by delaying it.

So if distractions are not the long-term solution for feeling the need of certainty, what is? Another answer Dan Johnston gave was details in mastery. According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), details in mastery is finding certainty in the things you have control over. In other words, we can focus on learning how to excel in certain areas (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). If one has low or even middle income (or is a teenager that is currently living in a low-income family), one can learn about how to take charge of their finances through financial management. If one is often burdened by an emotional situation (or even struggling with anxiety, depression, or experiencing an emotional mood), one can learn how to express themselves through art by taking art classes (or, now a days, looking up things on YouTube). However, Dan Johnston also warns us to not overuse this way of feeling the need of certainty. If overuse details in mastery, one can become a controller—needing to always be in control of the situation (i.e. not letting anyone else, including your spouse, touch your finances, art work, etc.) so the person will need to seek for another healthy way to feel certainty (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017).

Faith based is the last way of feeling certainty and it is not just from a religious standpoint (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). It may include the general belief that people in a certain field or position will do what they are supposed to do. We often have this faith whenever we visit our doctor or dentist. It also helps when we see their certificate displayed in the waiting room. 😉

Dan Johnston mentioned that he had remained on the subject of certainty for a while and it was for a reason. It had a lot that needed to be broken down and I really appreciated that he took his time doing so. Therefore, dear reader, the rest of this blog entry should not be long.

Variety is when someone wants simply just that: variety! This is the adventurist. Dan Johnston mentioned that he knew that uncertainty and variety sound like opposites and how would anyone want both? Here’s my example. We all want to make sure that we are fed daily, this is certainty. However, some of us love variety of meals/dishes. When I was a dental assistant, I enjoyed the certainty of work but I also was a bit annoyed on seeing our “reliable” schedule and delighted in breaking from the “humdrum” when an emergency patient was scheduled (or, better yet, the patient doesn’t even call and is asked if they can been seen as an emergency patient—dentures needed an adjustment, for example). This allowed room for variety because there was the question of wondering what the patient will need for treatment (i.e. not every denture case was a simple adjustment).

Those that seek for variety want “big things” in life (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). They have the entrepreneur or sales spirit and crave new adventures. The audiobook gave the example of a person by the name of Biff (I believe that was his name). Biff was someone who grew up in the middle class and lived in the suburbs; what Dan Johnston calls a predictable environment (i.e. the children will remain at the same school and around the same people until they grow up). Biff was someone who liked to jump into things instead of taking things slow (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). Instead of taking classes or some other type of training, Biff just “did it.” According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), Biff’s middle class parents had cringe from the actions of their unpredictable son! Dan Johnston asked him years later, after failure after failure, if Biff would have done anything differently. Biff had replied “no” and then said that he wished he had made more mistakes at a younger ago so he could have learned more and, therefore, would have probably had even higher profits in his business(es).

Love and connection were both placed together. According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), some seek out connection instead of love because it is safer. Yes, it takes courage to love as Brené Brown has mentioned in The Call To Courage (click here for more information on how to watch this). But for those that need to ease into this, one can find connection by attending places where others enjoy “hanging out” such as bars or even through virtual happy hours (they even have virtual happy hours at some public libraries). Since people seek connection, there are boundless opportunities to find a way to connect with others. One-on-one connection can be found through therapy although, due to the stigma, this option is often avoided. However, thanks to movies and reality TV shows, therapy is starting to be viewed in a new light (for a read on this subject, click here).

Significance is the second to the last on the list of the six human needs in the Human Needs Model. This is the need to feel special (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). This individual often looks for praise from work or someone the person looks up to. Whenever the individual has a new hair cut, this person looks for compliments or even prompts someone to give a compliment. According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), they are the storytellers who enjoy having a captive audience. Dan Johnston used the example of bloggers in which I had wanted to call “foul” because I had started blogging to seek for connections and not for significance. Many of those who were in the same newsgroup as I was in my early 20s also had blogs. Blogging was where I would connect with likeminded individuals who were encouraging instead of downgrading. Most of those that were in the same newsgroup as I was used Xanga before they started to charge their users. Not all of us made the switch to WordPress but, those that did, I was able to continue to connect with them until life (ex: college, work, and/or family) got in the way. I had stopped blogging (or slowed down, actually) for a while but, since I am a writer, I found myself returning more and more. Now I come here daily until life, once again, gets in the way. 🙂 I don’t see myself seeking for a captivated audience. I see myself here mostly to place information here for me to read later; it’s my web log. The bonus is that others are reading it and receiving information that they are able to use! 😉 Then I revamped my blog altogether to encourage my readers to consider me as a Lifestyle Consultant (to review this information, please see the “About” section of this website here).

The last one on the list is growth. Dan Johnston mentions the need of humans to make progress (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017). I feel this need greatly. I love to learn! I’m such a geek. 🙂

Let me know what you think about these six human needs by writing in the comment section below.

To review Section 1.1 (The Human Needs Model) in the Self Confidence Handbook, visit Dan Johnston’s website: thedanjohnston.com/toolkit.

Reference

MD, Doc Orman, & CloudLibrary. (2017). Battling the Big Three: Overcoming Stress, Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem. Place of publication not identified: Blackstone Audio.

Human Needs Model – First Draft

Dear Reader,

I had listened to Chapter 29 of Battling the Big Three: Overcoming Stress, Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem audiobook while rearranging items in my storage unit on New Year’s Eve but I knew I had to revisit the chapter upon learning that there was an accompanying handbook. After downloading the accompanying handbook from thedanjohnston.com/toolkit, it took me until today to get to this section that talks about the secrets to self confidence. I had tackled the previous handbook (The Self-Confidence Handbook) last week.

I only went through Section 1.1 today so I will only sharing my findings from this section. Within Section 1.1, Dan Johnston introduced to the listener about the human needs model. According to MD & CloudLibrary (2017), the Human Needs Model is similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

The Human Needs Model:

  1. Certainty
    • The need to know where the next meal is coming from.
    • Need to feel safe.
    • If lose job, you will say “How will I pay my bills?”
    • If a relative is visiting a country and something bad happens in the country, the person will freak out; believing that something bad happened to the relative.
      • Erratic behavior
    • How to feel certainty in uncertain circumstances
      • Distraction (humans have mastered this section)
        • This is good for a mental break (a short-time solution), if needed but should not be used for a long-time (habitual way of dealing with a problem). It reduces the inevitable pain or discomfort. Still need to overcome the problem but just making the problem worse by delaying it.
      • Details in mastery
        • Find certainty in the things you have control over.
        • Learn how to excel in certain areas (ex: financial management, artistry, etc.)
        • If overuse, this can be used as a control and the person will need to seek for another way to feel certainty.
      • Faith based
        • Religious-based.
        • General beliefs: believing that people in a certain position will do what they are supposed to do.
  2. Variety
    • Want “big things” in life—has the entrepreneur or sales spirit
    • Those that have children who crave for variety and are in the middle class often cringe when they see this in their children for they often live for certainty (i.e. live in the same suburbs so their children will remain at the same school).
    • Likes to jump into things instead of taking things slow (i.e. training)
      • Learns through making mistakes
    • Craves new adventures
  3. Love
    • Dan Johnston placed both “love” and “connection” together
  4. Connection
    • Some seek out connection instead of love because it is safer
  5. Significance
    • The need to feel special
      • Praise from work/someone you look up to
      • Often want this to be met when have a new hair cut, for example
      • The storytellers; having a captive audience (ex: bloggers)
  6. Growth
    • Making progress

After writing all of this out, I realized that the outline version of this doesn’t give the explanation justice. Although I would love to add my style of writing to my findings, this will have to do for now. So I will just save this draft and come back to it another time. But do note this: The first four are needed to survive whereas the last two are needed to thrive and not everyone has the same needs in the same order (MD & CloudLibrary, 2017).

To review the Self Confidence Handbook, visit Dan Johnston’s website: thedanjohnston.com/toolkit.

Reference

MD, Doc Orman, & CloudLibrary. (2017). Battling the Big Three: Overcoming Stress, Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem. Place of publication not identified: Blackstone Audio.