Values – Friends/Social Life

Dear Reader,

I am wondering how you are doing so far when it comes to reading over the values I have been writing about all week. Please feel free to comment or send me an email. To comment on this blog entry, scroll down to the bottom to add your comment. To email me, please go to the “About” section either by clicking here or clicking on the word “About” above. Please note that all comments that are sent in the “About” section are only sent directly to me (they will not appear for others to read).

So far, I have written five blog entries of the ten values that is found in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): 

1. Spirituality
2. Work/Career
3. Intimate Relationships
4. Parenting
5. Education/Learning (Personal Growth)

Today I will focus on friends/social life. This morning, while listening to chapter 6 of the audiobook Burnout: The Secret To Unlocking The Stress Cycle, I was reminded about the need for human connection. According to Nagoski & Nagoski (2019), connection is important to us as eating. Both are viewed very important during infancy because, with both, the infant will die (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). Yes! Even if an infant receives food, it will still die if it doesn’t have human contact. I learned this during my undergraduate studies. So, as with food, we can be starving for connection. In other words, our social lives are important!

According to Forsyth & Eifert (2016), one is to ask self “What kind of friend do you want to be? What does it mean to be a good friend?” Unlike parenting, I believe you can choose what type of friend you want to be prior to being a friend (see my blog on parenting here to get more insight on what I mean by “choosing” what type of parent you want to be). For me, I know the best way to ask myself this is to ask what I want out of a friendship. Some things people seek for in friends are loyalty, acceptance, and having the ability to boost confidence. With loyalty comes trust. After writing that, I am reminded of Brené Brown’s tip of the dangers of oversharing (to read how being vulnerable does not include oversharing, click here). Of course, once you know someone well, you have the ability to share a whole lot of things. But, before being able to do so, one should share a little bit at a time to build a trusting relationship.

The other two questions to ask self in regarding friends/social life are as follows:

How do you behave toward your best friend? Why is friendship important to you?

Forsyth & Eifert (2016)

The first thing I thought about when I read the first question I had just quoted above was boundaries! When interacting with any person, boundaries are important. As I have written here, if someone feels uncomfortable, the person may slowly back away. It’s not just when it comes to oversharing. It’s any type of behavior someone may display. So, however you may desire to behave toward any of your friends, please keep in mind the concept of boundaries.

The last question is rather a broad one. It may include like-mindedness (i.e. doing the same activities), day-to-day hassles (i.e. running errands) or even a spiritual insight (i.e. treat others the way you want to be treated). Sitting back and reflecting on this myself has allowed me to view my relationships and see a common theme among them. I had confirmed with one of my friends about her awareness of seeing how many of her friends are in a similar field (ex: life coaches, counselors, therapists, etc.). Therefore, for her, as well as for me, the common theme within her social connections are people that are wanting and willing to serve others; putting the interest of others above their own.

To gain more insight about yourself, please consider completing the Valued Directions worksheet. Remember to choose answers without judging.

References:

Forsyth, J. P., & Eifert, G. H. (2016). The mindfulness & acceptance workbook for anxiety: A guide to breaking free from anxiety, phobias & worry using acceptance & commitment therapy.

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle.