The Independent Woman’s Handbook for Super Safe Living on the Autistic Spectrum – Book Review

Dear Reader,

I hope you are doing well. It’s been a while since I have written a blog entry. One of the latest books I have been reading is entitled The Independent Woman’s Handbook for Super Safe Living on the Autistic Spectrum by Robyn Steward. I’m not sure how this book ended up on my “to read” list at GoodReads. I’m thinking it was one of the reading suggestions I had found from The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Dr. Tony Attwood (the guru for autism). However I had discovered it, I was grateful that I was (1) able to find a copy and (2) that I actually reading it.

Robyn Steward starts with an introduction that includes warnings such as the book includes swear words, may seem controversial, topics include abuse, and how the reader’s views on what is right and wrong may depend on family, faith, culture, and where they are located within the world. What is also included in her introduction is that some of the information in the book may sound “basic” or even “common sense” (Steward, 2014, p. 13). Then Steward allows the reader to know that she had written the book with the awareness that her readers would have “different knowledge levels when they begin reading it” (2014, p. 13). Therefore, some readers may think it is common sense but other readers will be grateful that Steward had written that information.

Some safety issues those on the autistic spectrum may face are as follows (Steward, 2014):

• Understanding the speech of others and how to respond
• Difficulties in social issues
• Perceptions differences
• Determining who are true friends
• Limits and boundaries
• Public transport
• Meltdowns while in public
• Viruses and other online parasites

She doesn’t just talk about safety issues. She also gives the “how to” (ex: how to tell if someone is emotionally needy or sharing too much information or that they want something). Another good how to was how to handle bullies when one is on the autistic spectrum (or determine if someone is a bully). There are also various exercises one can use to incorporate the words of wisdom that Robyn Steward shares (ex: write your own definition of what a friend is, write what you want or don’t want from a romantic relationship, tools to help budget).

Besides friendship, here are some additional topics found in the book:

• Sex
• Romantic relationships
• Drugs, alcohol, and other substances
• Preparing to go out
• Internet, mobile devices, and digital information sharing
• Money
• Work
• Moods, emotions, feelings, and mental health
• Useful skills and strategies for multiple situations

I like how Stewards says “it’s OK” a lot (ex: it’s okay to not to want to have friends). The reassurance of some of her “it’s OK” on certain subjects can be comforting to someone who grew up hearing that it is not okay. A well written reassurance is on the subject of meltdowns and autistic behavior:

A meltdown is not the same as a tantrum. One definition of a meltdown could be an inability to cope with the world around you and an inability to process information or choose what to do next. Meltdowns can result in a person yelling or swearing… If this is something you experience, it is important to be very aware of the signs that a meltdown might happen. Using a book such as The Incredible 5-Point Scale by Kari Dunn Buron may be useful in helping you to define which behaviours you exhibit before you reach an uncontainable state and what you can do (or what others can do to help you) to avoid becoming inconsolable. Meltdowns are not your fault; please don’t feel embarrassed by them. Be assertive in learning ways to avoid them as much as possible, as they can make you vulnerable.

The independent woman’s handbook for super safe living on the autistic spectrum (2014, p. 288)

Stewards ends each chapters with resources. Here are some resources that I thought was helpful:

• FriendMaker app accompanies the book by Dr. Laugeson (see below) and can be used on all Apple mobile devices. It contains videos that “model” (i.e. demonstrate) particular skills, so it is like having someone to coach you socially in your pocket.
  • Laugeson, E. (2013) The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults. Hoboken, NJ: Jossey Bass. ISBN: 1118127218
• Buron, K.D. and Curtis, M. (2003). The Incredible 5-Point Scale: Assisting Students with Autism Spectrum Disorder in Understanding Social Interactions and Controlling Their Emotional Responses. Shawnee Mission, KS: Autism Asperger Publishing Co. ISBM: 1931282528
  • Side Note: Stewards says to don’t be put off that this is a children’s book because it is a great resource with various strategies that are simple to implement. She also mentioned there is an adolescents version of this book.
• Autism alert cards are great to have if need help (especially if become nonverbal when under a lot of stress or it becomes difficult to articulate when feeling). It explains the cardholder is on the autistic spectrum and what do to help (ex: contact the cardholder’s partner or parents).
  • To order in the US, click here.
  • To order in UK, click here.
  • To order in Scotland, click here.
  • To order in Australia, click here.
• Money
  • Money Saving Expert
  • My Money
• Emotion Annotation and Representation Language (EARL) is a tool to help think about different kinds of emotions

To learn more about Robyn Steward, click here. To get a copy of The Independent Woman’s Handbook for Super Safe Living on the Autistic Spectrum, click here. To read another one of my blog entries of the life of someone who lives on the autistic spectrum (a book review of Ten Steps to Nanette by Hannah Gadsby), click here.

Reference

Steward, R. (2014). The independent woman’s handbook for super safe living on the autistic spectrum. Jessica Kingsley.