Book Review – Flawless

Dear Reader,

Hello! I hope you are doing well. I find myself back here again due to having two library books due next week and I want to find time to write about them both before I have to return them. The one I will write about today is called Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital by Elise Hu.

I learned about this book by listening to “CBS Mornings on the Go” podcast (click here to listen to the episode). To watch a video version, click here. This book meant a lot to me because I work in the mental health area and understand how certain thoughts/behaviors from collective cultures can become a problem. I do love collective cultures and admire how they work together to get things done. But just as individualism has cons, so does collectivism.

Reading about the history that is associated with lookism and other -isms allowed me to view certain things I heard about the Korean culture in a different lighting. There was a famous social media post that was going around a few/several years ago about an Asian man who ended up divorcing his wife after finding out her physical appears was created through surgery. Americans didn’t understand why such a man would do such a thing because we lack the understanding of the Asian culture (i.e. in “Flawless,” it stated how looks are important in Korea for job security, etc. and so if their offspring doesn’t look a certain way, they can be shunned by society). The historical background caused me to say “ah, ha!” on several occasions.

Another “ah, ha” was from recalling a fellow graduate student who was also into Korean drama, food, community, etc. had stated during class how Koreans were currently having high suicidal rates. She also sounded like she had a longing to help those from this demographic. It all made sense after reading chapters of this book.

I want to encourage you to read this book. If you aren’t a reader, you can listen to the audio or watch the video of what Elise Hu states from her own experience while in Korea (see the links above).

For more information about Elise Hu, click here. To get a copy of Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital, click here. To join the flawless inside list, click here.

Reference

Hu, E. (2023). Flawless : lessons in looks and culture from the K-beauty capital. Dutton, an imprint of Peguin Random House LLC.

#TheChop

Dear Reader,

I hope all is well with you and yours. This blog entry is a summary of #TheChop reels that I had created on Facebook. Since some of the videos ended up recording in a choppy way (and I cannot figure out how to even watch the reels on a computer before attempting to share them directly here), I have decided to write what I was saying (or sum up what I was saying) in each reel, here.

#TheChop – Introduction

I had started the first reel to allow others to join me with saying “bye” to the length of my dreadlocks. It was a hard decision to finally get to the place where I felt emotionally and mentally comfortable in cutting my dreadlocks. It took me a while to grow out my hair and, as a child, I loved and adored those that allowed their hair to grow.

Prior to locking my hair, my hair only grew to medium length. So, whenever I saw someone cut their hair, I was so angry. “Why did you cut your hair!” I was exclaimed instead of actually asking. “It was getting too heavy” was often the honest reply. I didn’t fully understand this situation until I was actually in it.

My ultimate goal was to get my hair to grow as long as the length of the Marley twist braids I used to braid into my hair around the year of 2011 (or was it 2012?). Since I had completed my goal, I mentally knew “Okay, can cut it, now.” But I just couldn’t get there emotionally. I kept pondering this phenomenon. Then I stopped pondering it and just “let it grow.” Then, my neck started to hurt. Next was my shoulders. I realized I couldn’t put my dreadlocks up a certain way without feeling the burden of the weight more on my side of my body. That’s when I realized it was becoming a health issue for it must have been too much weight for my small body to carry.

So… I took my phone into the bathroom with me and did a reel. I explained the reason for me doing “the chop”: my back and shoulders are now hurting because of the heaviness of my dreads. After doing this reel, I realized there are other entities that can be a burden. Hence, I started a series called #TheChop.

#TheChop – Other Entities

The following is what I had written down to say in this reel:

After cutting my dreads, I thought of other entities that may need to be cut out of life to allow a sense of relief such as less social media, less spending, less partying, and less alcohol consumption. Not all entities itself may be seen as burdensome (everyone needs to shop, for example). It’s finding the proper balance that may be difficult. I challenge you to revisit your life and see what things have been a burden for you and consider doing “the chop.” [Tongue click sound while doing sign language for “scissors”]

#TheChop – Beauty

This reel included the stigma that is associated with dreadlocks (to read more about dreadlock stigma, click here). I had decided to explain why it was hard to cut my dreadlocks shorter: dreadlocks have become more acceptable when they are long instead of short and unkempt. And that dreadlocks are often started with the idea in mind that the individual will just let it grow. Unfortunately, for me, since I have a small framed body, my shoulders and back started to ache due to the weight of my dreadlocks. Because of this, I was pondering on what other things we often do for beauty, or for others, that is much of a burden (ex: women who may want to take hours of just doing makeup). The question is who are we doing it for. For ourselves? For strangers to think a certain way about us?

I want to challenge everyone to consider things we are doing for beauty, for others, and it has become a burden. And, until next time, [tongue click sound while doing sign language for “scissors”] bye.

#TheChop – Decluttering

On this reel I talked about what was once called organizing that is now called decluttering (which is what the minimalists call it), what The Home Edit calls editing, and what Marie Kondo calls “what sparkles joy.” So what you want to do when it comes to reorganizing things in your house or life is to hold something to see if it sparkles joy. If it doesn’t, it is considered to be recycled or to be gifted to someone else or to be put in the trash. I’ve been watching Marie Kondo for a while on Netflix, then I found this book called Soulful Simplicity: How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More by Courtney Carver but there are many ways you can go about on finding how to organize and declutter. So, until next time, enjoy “the chop.” [Tongue click sound while doing sign language for “scissors”]

#TheChop – Relationships

Here’s the transcript to this reel:

So today I want to talk about relationships. Now when I’m speaking on relationships, I am not talking about “cutting” as in ending relationships. What I am talking about today is about codependency and boundaries. Codependency, “a codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior” (Beattie, 1987). Codependency is one that that I usually look at when it comes to, umm, establishing boundaries. And boundaries itself is basically knowing where you end and another person begins. It’s kind of like a house and knowing “Okay, this is what I have to take care of.” A person, neighbor’s house, may affect you… so, if they catch on fire, it may catch onto your house as well. But codependency and boundaries are two things to look into when it comes to relationships. [Tongue click sound while doing sign language for “scissors”]

#TheChop – Conclusion

In conclusion, take time to self reflect to see what has been a burden to you and consider doing “the chop.” [Tongue click sound while doing sign language for “scissors”]

Reference

Beattie, M. L. (1987). Codependent no more: Stop Controlling Others And Start Caring for Yourself. Center City, MN: Hazelden.